Quotes

Quotes are misleading… oftentimes conflicting.

It could entice ones imagination and further injects a positive effect. On the other hand, quotes have the power to fuel ones angst as if tolerating every inch of mediocrity to the nth level giving way to exaggeration of one's feeling.

Quotes as they are, are quoted from life's scenes… Maybe from pathetic people who longs to be remembered.

on life…

life is like taking a course. You either pass or fail… At some point when you got marks such as retake or incomplete you are subject to have it all over again or just polish on specific details.

Along life's roads, never dare to use anyone as an object of your back subject 'coz you might be falling unto your own trap.

Never let someone cling to you if you only mean to say goodbye.

Say what you only mean, for what is the sense of passing a course if deep inside you are fooling no one other than your own self

Questions

Questions just pop out and linger to human mind….

Questions are asked not because the answers were not known but because somehow, someone wishes that such answers are not true…

 yet, some questions are best left unanswered…

Holding On

Holding On - This is where I am right now… I believe and I am happy of the fact that i can face the whole world shouting what i am feeling deep down inside.  Many things just so happen like that in my everyday life…

 As i wake up each morning preparing my stuff to work, our helper had almost finish her second round of washing; only two boarders were left waiting for their afternoon classes while the others already off to school; my siblings are channeled to what they are supposed to do(studying).

As i hurried catching my steps to our office, i passes by a busy street with heavy foot traffic;  jeepneys manning their car engine to get ahead of the other for a passenger who pays merely P7.00 in a ride (while some cops just have their FREE ride); peddlers almost everywhere trying to sell almost everything; beggars sitting in corners (as if they had their own territories ).

As i enterned the office, employees are busy doing their tasks. The moment i am sitted in my chair, it seems that my phoneline never runs out of calls (blaah blaaah blaaaah). I first gaze opun our daily publication and check on the articles and some of its contents. Then after a few moments, i could fnd myself signing all cash advances and leave forms for approval. (tsk tsk tsk)

Comes the hour of… 12… (lunch break)…3 …(break time)… 5… (off we go home)… Maybe some working buddies have this set of schedule… i hate and a love the fact that i dont",)

Yet, at the end of the day, as i go to bed, before i close my eyes, there is one thing that i am certain of… and that is to hold on to this feeling… of loving him more and more each day.

"Life is painfully beautiful"

It's been but only a week …  time alone knows how things had come my way. Indeed, all else is contanstly changing… in a fast phase (as for me maybe, yet ,still so slow to some). The endeavor that i've gone through was but a memory in the past that i shall keep. 

Love, is more powerful than any other sword; any armor or weapon this world could ever have; a statement that I deem to hold true in the whole universe. People live loving other people. It is with such reason that a woman gives birth to a child. Thus, a new soul breathe the bounty of God's gift every minute  of our life. Love is first given (by our parents) and then earned (from other people) as one battle for existence. Most importantly, love is experienced. Experiences vary from one person to another. One may be fortunate for the love of their family. Another for the love of friends. It doesn't really matter who give and who take in return.   "Maybe i have learned love the hardest way" ( I qoute myself)…

"Life they say  is painfully beautiful". I felt and is still feeling a pinch on me typing the said line. But then again, the battle has just began. There's more to life for me and for you to unfold. Just keep going…

Selfishness not selflessness

I am relly hurt when someone throw me these lines…I was just fighting for what i feel…all the while, at least for me,  i am not thinking about myself but of us…yet…maybe in the coarse of loving him i had hurt him so much…

am i really selfish if i love him? would letting go means the ultimate love? so will everyone else settle in letting go?

i am so saddened by all of these… i know all i wanted was a hug from him… and i will feel damn good…

call me selfish…but this am sure is what i feel and what i want…him..

bad birthday

it’s my birthday! yet i feel so empty from deep within…i just want to stroll until i get to nowhere;( its so sad how you thought everything will soon be okay between the two of you. yet in the end, you just knew its you alone…is this really the end? or just an ordeal for the relationship to surpass? I love thee with all of me…

i wish

I wish its my heart that cries… so that nobody couls see… so that nobody could hear… I wish i could be as numb as a frozen fish…so that i could feel completely nothing when stabbed directly into my face… i wish was just a paper …so that i could be crumpled, torn into pieces and thrown away any time when they felt am of no need…i just wish…all the things there is to be…yet am still far more thankful i am not.

Lame Excuse

I was struck by the sharing of an ex-seminarian.  I am not quite sure if he was just fussing with what had happened or just kidding around. But for me it was the lousiest and a lame excuse I’ve ever heard to give for a break-up. Let us call this friend of mine ‘Limor’. I first knew of him from my ‘you know who’. They were on their formation year then. FYI: Formation year takes place on the third year of theological studies. This is a non-academic program.

Limor and I usually bump o to each other in this small city of ours. Until I heard from my ‘you know who’ that he’d decided to change his chosen vocation. He did not pursue the remaining three months of their formation but rather was busy coming up to the next world he is about to live in. I attended their graduation eve and saw him there with his new found ‘friends’ (they are those who work with one of the call centers in the province).

And so that was the last time I’ve ever seen this Limor. We were preoccupied with our own lives and did not have any communication not until I surf the net and added him on in my friendster list. It was first hi/s and hello/s. Then the usual ‘musta na?’ Until he shared that he was no longer together with this girl.

So what perked me up to write this blog? What is the reason that my voice box was irritated? This Limor emailed me that he was so devastated that his now ‘ex’ told him that she fell out of love the time Limor went out the seminary…. (Ding! ding! got yeah!) That line was the most stupid line (b@!$#!+%^%*(&%#&%*) how nice to just press on shift and the number sign and then goes your curse.

Commentaries: Honestly, i want to slap this girls' face if she only had it with me! hahaha am i that bad? don't think so. But having said those lines makes me think that this girl is out of here mind. Day, wala ka ya ka math 101 haw? Huya huya laman gamay ah! So you fall for Lomir just because he is a seminarian? Fall out of love and decided to break up with him the time he decided to leave his vow and pursue you? what a haste! You should have cleared your thoughts first and checked on your feelings before you had a relationaship with him. What were your motives? On the brighter side, it was good of you to straight forward show this pitty fellow the real you while your relationship is still novice. Pasalamat pa xa eh daad noh? kay gnbulagan mu sya daun?

P.S. for that girl: I maybe so judgemental and driven by my emotions when i had this article. Maybe  i should be rational of your feelings as well… I may not know what had happened… maybe  the relationship was not for the both of you…maybe you have reasons that reasons itself can't understand… If you happen to come accros this blog, feel free to leave a note",)

I'll be more than open to hear from you…

The Ring

I’m sitting on my desk thinking of how my day went on and I asked myself “What else will be happening today?” 

 I wonder…".?

Looking through the window pane, I saw the rain dripping, the sky in dark gloomy form. As I stare at my watch, its quarter to five and I’m planning to stay in the office for a couple more hours. Maybe am just a bit lazy to ride my self off to my place in a rainy afternoon or more so because of a bothering thought that I keep on entertaining.

Hhhmmmm???

Insert: My “you know who”, keeps on  texting me the time I am writing or rather typing this blog. They have a regional gathering this week and they had a basketball play-off as part of their so-called activity. He conveyed that their game ended with half point lead on their favor. The sports complex where they had their game was flooded with water due to the seeping roof. This is another evidence of poor maintenance provided by our government. I wish the money intended for such repair did not went to another politician’s pocket or could be to that of the building administrator. Anyway, let’s leave such queries to the city government. As the saying goes: “Do not cheat, it’s the government’s job” so be it. My “you know who”, had this one and only shot. However, the ball just circled into the ring and went out. He was desperate he didn’t made a point but still was very happy on his overall performance as a defensive guard for their team. I just love how positive my “you know who”… always thinking outside of the box.

Back to the topic: So what was the thought? This time, it’s all about work. I entered the office full of confidence and enthusiasm. I woke up early and had my make-up on. My goal for the day is to gradually add up to my monthly report and accomplish the periodic feedback evaluation form for all employees. I could say that my day was smooth not until my officemate received a call. My officemate passed on the conversation. She said she was asked on some details and other specifications on work loads. (Stop! Isn’t that my job?) I find it hell when other people just enter the scene and try to ask someone to do someone else’s job… more so, my job. Well maybe for some, they find that a bunch of help had gone their way if this happens to them. But as for me, I find it unethical.

Playing the devil’s advocate: Maybe that person do not know where to run to on such regards… or maybe he/she is a bit shy to walk his/her way to ask these data directly on my face… it could be that the person is thinking that I am busy on another matter to attend to such need… Possibly the person might be thinking that I am not doing my job… so why ask me in the first place?

But one thing is certain, there is something ‘fishy’ behind the said act. Paranoid? No, I do not think I am. I am just watchful for the actions committed. Respect begets respect. (Sabi nga ni Bea: Maricris, ang respeto, hindi ini-impose, ini-earn ‘yan!) hihihih”,)

We’ll see what will happen next…I’ll keep you posted”,)

Going back…and looking forward",)

 It's 4:58 p.m. Two mintues more to call it a day. I could almost hear my intestines. I am dreaming of a Jolibbee spaghetti with its red creamy sauce and shredded cheeze on top plus an upsized soda. Whoah G! am damn hungry.

          Reth and Wila, my college buddies and I went to the nearest Jolibbee chain which is about hundred steps away from my workplace. I ordered the spaghetti meal I was day dreaming of. The service crew got our order and we moved fast to a four-seater table. We  had a delightful snacks coupled with chit chats.

PAUSE… I miss college life! It's been almost a year and three months after my graduation. I could vividly remeber during our free afternoons where we shout 'n scream our way towards the small kiosk (likod U.P.). Our budget then was only a maximum of 20 box (grabe gid ya kapuraot ang mga taga-up! hehehe). GO… our stories jumped from one topic to another…

• Burial of Dionisio… Dion, as what this college bud of ours prefer to be addressed, has made our stay in U.P. memorable. He is one of the four straight guys in our block, the fifth is 60/40(You know what I mean ",) Karay-a tamun kadya! His internment will be this 14th of July and our block intends to attend and make a tribute for this kind fellow. Wila said that she noticed in our block pictures that 'dion' was always at the back  when everyone else was dying to be infront for the shot… We closed our topic quoting our respected college professor Mr. Sarmiento, "Life is unfair, get used to it" or shall we say "Life is short, get use to it"?/!

• On love life… Wila and reth are free souls … Status: not yet taken as of press time… Harhar (I may share my soty as well.. Nah!!?/!!).

• Sexual Relationships… gays (!@#^%#)… lesbians(*%^@#%)… fhms (%*@^&(@$%)…

ang bubble gum

Nandito na naman ako nakaupo sa isang sulok ng kwarto habang ngumunguya ng bubble gum… nakangiting inaalala ang nakaraan…

Ating balikan… Ring! ring! (tunog ng bell, 'di pa uso ang cellphone nung first year hiskul) Halos lahat ng mga kaklase ko ay nagsihikab at nag unat para di antokin. (Tunog ng takong ng sapatos) "Parating na si Ms. Q" naghihingalong babala ni Joseph (ang kaisaisang umaming bakla sa klase)."Isang subject nalang at recess na yeppeee" sigaw ng aking kaklase. Lahat ay nag pahayag ng kanya kanyang gustong bilhin para sa mirienda. Di nag laon, naghari ang katahimikan sa aming silid.  "Okey clas, kunin nyo na ang inyong mga takdang aralin" sang abi ng guro. habang ngumunguya kong kinukuha ang aking aklat… "Ms. Malaluan stand up! (sana sinabi ng guro na tumayo noh? filipino class kaya ito! hikhikhik) Pinadikit ng guro sa akin ang bubble gum sa board at pina guhitan ng bilog. 'Yon na yata ung pinakanakakahiyang nangyari sa akin.

Nag daan ang tanghalian… natapos ang hapunang clase… nagsiuwian na ang lahat… Ang bubble gum???  ay naiwang nakadikit sa pisara (whaaaa!! panindigan na natin filipino class nga).

Kinabukasan… Values Education ang unang naging topiko. tinanong ng klas adviser kung kanino at bakit mag bubble gum sa backboard. Agad kong sinabi ang nangyari at nagakong 'di na uulitin ang pag kain ng bubble gum.

Sa filipino class… Pangiting pumasok ang aming guro sa silid. Parang may ewang kumikiliti sa kanya. Pangiti nya ring tinitigan ang bubble gum sa board ng biglang…blaaaaaag! natabig ni ma'am ang bubble gum…